Not forever, Just Always

This weekend, I cleaned my purse. This is always a daunting task. For some reason, my purse seems to acquire more and more each and every day. Pointless items, mostly. Old receipts, chewing gum, pennies, chap stick, paperclips, fortune cookie wrappers, tweezers, coupons, post- it notes scribbled with old lists and reminders. I tote all of these things around with me every single day. I hold them, bottled up under my arm and close to my heart.

As I dumped the contents of my purse onto my bed and fingered through the heap of pointlessness, I questioned the meaning of all of it. Why is it that I can let go of some things, but others stay with me (until the annual purse cleaning, anyway)?

The old receipts were stacked, torn, and thrown away. Pennies were deposited into my purple, plastic, crayon bank, and the load lightened. As I flattened the fortune cookie wrappers out on the floor and read the sayings I came across a fortune I had made myself.

On a strip of white paper, and inked in purple pen I had written the words: "Not forever, Just always".

This saying is one that I came up with when I was in high school. Sad, betrayed, friendless, and hurting, I came up with motto to keep myself from breaking down. I would never let myself become defeated.  Somehow I knew that I was going through my struggles for a purpose. There is always a reason. I had to believe that.

I wasn't defeated. I did make it through, and I continue to make it each and every day. One of my best weapons is the lessons I've learned along the way-- which is what my motto is all about.

We carry the pains, experiences, lessons, victories, and triumphs of our past with us always, but they will not be our forever.  There is always a future, no matter where we find ourselves in the present. That moment in high school was tough for me. I felt awful most of the time, but I am glad that I was put through all of that pain. I will carry that time with me always (to remind myself that I can persevere), but it will not be my 'forever'.

Don't throw away the bad times, utilize them. Take advantage of them. Carry them always, for they will not be your forever.

The other fortune cookie wrappers were added to a collection that I keep in a drawer (guilty pleasure), but not this one. Instead, I smoothed it out, folded it in half, and tucked it into the pocket of my purse.  That is where it sits today. Bottled up under my arm and close to my heart, reminding me that today is not forever, just always.