Playing Grown-up (behind the scenes)

I’m finding that it is harder and harder to wake up. Even harder to get ready for work.  Hardest yet to put a smile on my face and pretend like I belong. Work. I’ve  always known that I would have to work hard for what I want. Nothing good ever comes easy—especially not something you deserve. I work between 50 and 60 hours a week because I have dreams. When I was younger I was told that I should always  dream, and always follow those dreams. What I wasn’t told is that dreams are freaking expensive. My other problem is that for as long as I can remember, I have chosen to dream big. The concept sounds sweet, but the process is dirty, rough, and tiring. Like sex, accept the reward takes longer to get, and part way through you question calling it quits.  Lately, all I want to do is stay in bed, drink chocolate milk, and rotate between working on my book and watching Gossip Girl or something by Joss Whedon.

But I cant.

That is what I always imagined adulthood to be like.

But it’s not.

Instead, I wake up at 6am to an alarm clock. I dress in business appropriate clothes—which also happen to be the most uncomfortable and unflattering. I use my ‘nice voice’ on the phone, and sympathize with customers. When coworkers try to pass off work onto me, or scold me for using too many post it notes, I have to smile and work towards a professional solution. Work needs finished, and then redone again after my manager changes his vision. At around two in the afternoon I find myself day dreaming, and question why  I ever protested nap time  as a child. Then, at five ,when it is time for me to clock out for the day, my boss will finally have time to meet with me—and yes, he will want to meet. So I do.  I do it. I do all of it. All day, every day.  Again, and again, and again.

Because I have dreams. Big dreams.

I will get over it, of course. I will push through and work hard so that one day I can stay in bed and rotate between working on my novel and catching up on Gossip Girl or something by Joss Whedon.

Until then…

You can find me in my living room, in my blankets-and-pillows-fort, typing on my work-issued computer so that I can finish my assignments for job number two and ‘play grown-up’ like I used to—but without all the fun parts.

Xoxo

Working Girl